If It Can't Be Paper, Say It With Words
by Natsudori Lina
Summary: A series of five unrelated drabbles written for the first anniversary of the 'Usagi and Mamoru: A Love Like No Other' livejournal community.
1. Celebration

**This is a piece that I wrote for the Usako Mamoru first anniversary themes. One of those things that I'm not entirely happy with because it is SO SAPPY! (Like the next chapter of Haru will be, hehe). Because of this sappiness, Mamoru is slightly OOC, but… y'know. Hope you enjoy it though.**

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_**Celebration**_

_**A one-shot**_

_**By Natsudori Lina**_

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_The deceptively gentle tinkle of breaking glass. The screech of tires as they attempted to brake. A woman's horrified scream as a car ripped through the railings. Shaky gasps for air as he hung upside down, suspended by his seatbelt, choking on his terror. _

_Sirens._

_That had been the last time he'd celebrated his birthday._

"—chan? Mamo-chan?" He started from his reverie to see two bright blue eyes blinking at him curiously. Usagi knelt in front of his birthday cake, the flames from the candles reflecting in her eyes. Thankfully, Rei had thought to grab her pigtails out of the way, holding them to the side, exasperatedly rolling her eyes at the blonde's forgetfulness.

"Mamo-chan," Usagi continued softly, "aren't you going to blow out your candles?"

He nodded slightly, and bowed his head to do as she bade him. "Wai!" she cheered happily, reaching for the knife—which Makoto held out of her reach.

Usagi pouted momentarily before swiping her finger across his name on the cake (to shrieks of "_Ew,_ Usagi-chan!" and "Usagi-chan, _germs!_" from Minako and Ami).

She plopped herself quite happily into Mamoru's lap, and wiped the frosting onto his nose. He went cross-eyed trying to look at it and she giggled. "Happy Birthday, Mamo-chan!"

Mamoru smiled softly and dropped some of the cream onto her nose as well. "We match now," Usagi laughed, before sobering and cupping one hand to the side of her mouth. "Ne, Mamo-chan," she whispered conspirationally, "what did you wish for?"

He blinked for a moment before his arms snaked themselves around her waist. Mamoru chuckled as he nuzzled her cheek with his nose, getting all of the frosting onto her cheek. She squealed, and squirmed and laughingly demanded that he let her go this instant—though she'd have been sorely disappointed if he'd complied.

_What did I wish for, Usako?_

_Just for this. _Only_ for this._


	2. Soul Mates

**/stubbornly/I _like_ making Usagi-chan smart. At least in areas that I think she would be. This fic, and the theme on Usako Mamory is the result of that. **

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_**Soul Mates**_

_**A One-shot**_

_**By Natsudori Lina**_

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"The man was originally the child of the sun, the woman of the earth, and the man-woman of the moon, which is made up of sun and earth, and they were all round and moved round and round," Mamoru muttered to himself, cradling his head in his hands as he pored over his textbook. "Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods." He ran an agitated hand through blue-black hair and took a sip of his coffee, praying that it would mentally fortify him. He glanced at the book with hopeful eyes, and nearly growled with frustration as it laid there innocently, silently mocking him. Mamoru shook his head. No. It was a book. A book filled with words. Stupid, _stupid _words. "Right, okay. So then, the gods said—they said--" He gave up and slammed the text shut, letting his head fall rhythmically against its cover. "They _should_ have said that this is a load of--"

"Mamoru-baka!" Usagi squeaked indignantly, cutting off his muttered oath. He had been so preoccupied with his textbook trouble that he had failed to notice a pair of cornflower blue eyes peering at him curiously. When he had began to bang his head despondently against the innocently blue cover, she had been quite unable to resist and had vacated her spot at the counter to see what could possibly ruffle the feathers of the stoic Chiba Mamoru.

He winced. "Odango. Gomen nasai, I--" He broke off to glare at her. "Why am I apologizing to _you_?"

Usagi looked up from her perusal of his book with a twinkle in her eye and an uncharacteristic smirk on her face. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I might be able to help you?"

Mamoru's skeptical gaze said it all.

"No, _really_, Baka-san!" she insisted. "It's mythology, ne? I'm good with mythology!"

"Odango, I doubt you've ever passed a test in your life. I'm not about to let you tutor me." He spoke as he gathered the book and a few sheets of paper into his arms and strode toward the automatic doors. "Ja."

"I bet I know more about it than you," Usagi challenged.

Mamoru's back stiffened. _Do not let her rile you_, he chanted. _Do not allow yourself to be distracted. Do _not_ compete with _Usagi.

"Whassa matter, Mamoru?" she taunted. "Afraid that I might know more than you about something? Afraid that I might just be _smarter_ than you in this? "

Self-Control bid Mamoru a fond adieu as he whirled to face her, hands clenched, as Competitive Drive took over. "Fine," he ground out through gritted teeth as he stalked over to the table and she happily took her seat, golden pigtails flying in front of her in her haste.

He eyed her contemplatively, deciding to take it easy on her at first. "Who drove the chariot that brought the sun to light the sky each day?"

He sipped his coffee, expecting it to take her a moment. Thus, he nearly choked on his drink when she responded with a prompt "Apollo." She patted him helpfully as she silently admonished him. _You'll have to do better than that, Mamoru-baka._ Her look spoke volumes of her disappointment. "What were Mercury's winged sandals called?" Usagi shot at him.

His jaw dropped and she squirmed uncomfortably. "Hermes, if you prefer. Y'know, messenger god?"

Mamoru continued to stare at her, aghast. She sighed. "Talaria," she said finally.

He physically shook himself from his stupor. Obviously, he'd have to ask some tougher questions. "What was the river in the Underworld called?"

"The river Styx. What was the name of the ferryman?"

He fumbled his thoughts. "Chrono—no, wait, Charon!" he said triumphantly. "Where did the gods live?"

"Mount Olympus. Are you sure you don't want to stop—no? Okay, who was the god of sea?"

"Mercury," he said confidently. "Who--" He stopped short as she giggled. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Wrong," she sang out. "Baka-san, I just _told_ you that Mercury was the messenger god. No, the answer's Neptune. Or Poseidon. Either, or."

Mamoru blinked. _Then why…_ He shook himself from this contemplation to focus on matters at hand. She was _beating_ him! He had only answered one correctly, and she hadn't missed a single one. And, if he wasn't mistaken, Usagi was deliberately baiting him a bit with trick questions and obscure information.

He threw out his last hope. "Name three goddesses of the moon." Usagi stared at him in shock for a moment, before throwing back her head and letting out a long, pealing bell of laughter. He allowed hope to rise cautiously and finally spoke confidently. "So, you don't--"

He was cut off by one righteous finger wagging in his face, as Usagi's laughter died and she let a triumphant gleam dance happily in her eyes. "Hecate." She held up a second finger. "Artemis." Her lips twitched at some unknown joke and she held up her third finger. "And Selene." Her shoulder quaked with laughter as she innocently inquired, "Would you like their Roman names as well?"

Mamoru looked at her and conceded defeat. "Fine, fine. You're better than me at this _one_ thing." She moved to protest before he cut her off with blue eyes narrowed in her direction. "Are you going to help me or not?" he said quietly.

She flushed, visibly taken aback, and nodded. "H-hai." She sat next to him and slid the book in front of her. "What page?"

"274."

Usagi flipped it open and rifled through until she found the appropriate page. Mamoru watched as her brow furrowed in thought and her eyes scanned the page. Her mouth formed a neat little 'o' as her eyes flew to his. "But—but this is easy!"

"It doesn't make sense," he said stubbornly, crossing his arms. "None of that could have ever happened. The ancient Greeks and Romans obviously had some drugs that are outlawed today because I don't see how--"

"Mamoru no baka," she huffed out impatiently. "Look, I know you have this _thing_ for facts, but forget that for a second. Think about _possibility_."

Mamoru looked at her blankly and she sighed impatiently. "Forget your logic," she encouraged again. "Think of this as a story, and stop trying to prove it wrong. If you deflate you ego a little bit, you should be able to make some room for your brain to figure it out."

He tugged her pigtail, a little miffed at the dig. "Get on with it, Odango."

"Okay, look, what he's saying here is that humans used to be these ugly-looking things with four arms and four legs, and a whooooole lot of power. So one day, they got a little too big for their britches and attacked the gods." She turned the page. "As you could probably guess, they didn't much like that, so Zeus decided to split them up. That's where the whole 'soul mates' thing comes from. We're each half of a soul, half of a person, really, which is why we have two arms and two legs now too." She put a finger to her lips, thinking to herself. "That might be where 'opposites attract' comes from too, actually. The opposites combine to form the complete soul. What do you think?" Eyes lit with this realization, she turned to discover a disturbingly intent Mamoru gazing down at her. She blushed and turned back to the book, flipping the page to stare curiously at an artist's rendering of what an original human may have looked like.

Mamoru, for his part, turned to look at her petite form with its golden locks, mentally comparing it to his own large body and dark hair. His lips curved with an amused grin. _So… I should consider the possibilities, huh, Odango? _He sat back calmly and watched her twitter away, entire being animated with the ideas she clearly found fascinating. _Well… alright then._

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**Notes: The passage Mamoru is having trouble with is Plato's "Symposium" (I condensed it a LOT in Usagi's explanation) and the quotes are from Aristophanes' speech in that. All trivia on mythology is actually mythology, and in case anyone's wondering the Roman names for Hecate, Artemis, and Selene are Trivia, Diana, and Luna, respectively. (At least according to a webpage… if it's wrong… I blame that ;)**


	3. Irish Luck

**Another anniversary theme. This one's a comedic piece, mostly dialogue on Usagi's part. I actually kind of like this one because the idea makes me giggle. I feel like Mamoru's the teeniest bit OOC again, but since he doesn't have _that_ many lines, it's not too horrible. Hope you enjoy!**

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_**The Luck of the Irish**_

_**A One-shot**_

_**By Natsudori Lina**_

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"But Haruna-sensei, it's true!" Usagi exclaimed. "I really _couldn't_ do my homework last night!"

Mamoru paused outside the classroom door, lips twitching in amusement. He had been on his way to pick Usako up from detention, but decided to wait a minute. This should be interesting.

"See, Haruna-sensei, we were all in Crown, right?" Usagi said earnestly. Haruna nodded, lips pursed, as she clenched her hands together tightly. _Probably praying for patience, _Mamoru thought, chuckling inwardly.

"But then, we heard this yell! So we all ran out to see what was going on, but there wasn't a youma attacking anybody or anything. There was just this creepy looking lady standing there and screaming and it was this _awful_ scream, Haruna-sensei, even worse than mine. And then she pointed at me and me and Ami-chan went like this--" Usagi sucked in a quick intake of breath, her expression comical as she did so. _ "Do you know what it means when Ami does that?"_ she asked intently, expression grim.

Haruna shook her head, amused despite herself.

"It's never good," Usagi said, shaking her head so that her pigtails flew from side to side. "She usually says something that _reeeeeally_ complicates things and it was the same thing yesterday. She got all worried and asked me if there was anybody Irish in my family and I wasn't sure so I called Mama and asked her and she said that her great-great-great-great-- I don't know how many greats-- grandma was a Ka-va-nagh," she said this very carefully and with great concentration.

"So, Ami-chan kind of groaned, but so did Mamo-chan! And then he turned to me and asked me how come dating me was never simple and then I yelled at him and then he—uh… stopped me." Mamoru ran a hand through his hair embarrassedly.

Haruna buried her face in her hands, shoulders beginning to shake with helpless laughter. She waved a hand for Usagi to continue. She did so happily.

"So then they told me that the ban-shee," she slowed down again momentarily before plunging heedlessly on, "pointing at me meant that I was gonna _die!" _She paused and muttered something that Haruna didn't pick up, but Mamoru did, and he couldn't help frowning. "Dunno why she never bothered to show up before _now." _She raised her voice again. "Anyway, everybody freaked out a little. We went to Mamo-chan's apartment and Mamo-chan and I went in his room and looked at his plants, where he… uh, _found_ me a four-leaf clover and he put in my uh… _pocket!_ for me." Mamoru cringed.

"Then, Mako-chan found this old dirty horseshoe and made me wear it around my neck." She wrinkled her nose. "It was yucky. But that wasn't the worst part! Rei-chan found some old scroll that said rabbit feet were good luck! First, I thought of Chibi-Usa, but she isn't… in town to hang around me. Now, _I _thought my own feet were good enough, but they all said no. It had to be a real one. And Minako-chan _had _one," she said in righteous indignation. "I wasn't gonna wear it. In fact, I got so mad that I was gonna leave right there! But then Mamo-chan—uh, made me stay."

He flushed embarrassedly.

"So, anyway, we were all at Mamo-chan's apartment to hide out, and there was this knock on the door, and I went to answer it even though Mamo-chan told me _not to move_ and it was a _youma!_ And it took it's arm-sword-thingy and tried to cut my neck right open! Luckily, it missed and hit the horseshoe, so I just fell over and kinda coughed a lot because it banged into my neck a lot and it really hurt. Mamo-chan was _reeeeally_ mad at me—and it," she added as an afterthought.

Too right, he was, Mamoru thought savagely.

"Then I got up and I yelled at it and then we all tr--"

"_Oi!_" Mamoru yelped, leaping into the room. Usagi stopped speaking to stare at him. He cleared his throat. "Oi. Odango. You ready?"

She frowned. "Mamo-chan, you know I don't like it when you--"

"_Ahem." _Haruna cleared her throat to get their attention. "Usagi, you may leave. I really should give you detention for that outrageous lie, but just because it seems like it might have required a bit of research, I'll let it slide this _once_."

"But it _wasn't_--" Usagi started, brow crinkling in frustration, before Mamoru grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room. She gave up, yelling out "Arigatou, Haruna-sensei!"

Once they were outside, Mamoru handed her a pink helmet and fastened it onto her head properly. "Usako, you almost slipped up in there," he admonished, tapping her on the nose chidingly.

"Did _not!_" she insisted, a slightly guilty expression flitting over her features. "I had it completely under control. I was going to say that we all… tr_ied to get away!_" she exclaimed triumphantly.

"Yeah, okay, okay," he said, climbing on the bike and gesturing for her to do the same. "Oh, and Usako?" he asked, as she put her arms around his stomach, feeling a grin pull at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, Mamo-chan?" she said curiously.

He let the grin spread across his face. "You're full of blarney."

She shrieked as they roared away. "I am _not!_"

"…Ne, Mamo-chan, what's a blar-nee?"

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**_Information on banshees came from this site: _****_h t t p / w w w . i r e l a n d s e y e . c o m / a n i m a t i o n / e x p l o r e r / b a n s h e e . h t m l_****_ (without the spaces) . And I poked around the net a bit to find out that the Irish consider horseshoes, rabbit feet, and four-leaf clovers lucky. And, blarney is… "the gift of gab." /grins/_**


	4. Pretend

**Yet another anniversary drabble! I actually like this one, so I would love some feedback on it.**

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_**Pretend**_

_**A One-shot**_

_**By Natsudori Lina**_

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She remembered the sparkling crown; the pink feathers that adorned it; her own chubby little hands eagerly reaching up for it so that she could nestle it safely between her odango. She remembered adoring the games of dress up, wearing a floofy white dress and issuing giggled demands for entertainment. She remembered racing around the house, squealing as her Papa—the 'monster'-- chased her, and darting behind 'Sir Shingo' for safety.

She remembered being called 'Princess.'

Now, she sees an ordinary school uniform, one like it worn by hundreds—maybe thousands of girls. There is no crown. Her subjects and civilization have long since perished. Her 'knight in shining armor' is driven to destroy her.

And the monsters are real.

Usagi shook herself from her contemplation as Naru called from ahead of her. "Usagi-chan! We're going to be even later if you don't get a move on!"

"I'm coming, Naru-chan, I'm coming!" she shouted back, running to catch up. "Haruna-sensei'll kill me dead if I'm late one more time, ne?" she laughed, threading her arm through Naru's as she darted past. She spared a fleeting thought for arguments in the afternoon, tossed test papers, and cheeks flushed with anger—and maybe something more. Her expression darkened briefly before she pasted a painful grin back on.

Usagi was growing so tired of playing pretend.


	5. Righting a Wrong

**/Hollers/ THIS ONE IS A CRACK FIC! It is totally silly, and utterly pointless. And everyone is out of character here. Not a single person acting normally. Also written for the anniversary challenge. Inspired by someone outside of the fandom altogether because I was going batty trying to think of something that wasn't completely clichéd.**

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_**Righting a Wrong**_

_**A One-shot**_

_**By Natsudori Lina**_

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Mamoru would later plead that he was completely innocent in the entire affair. Sometimes, after all, ignorance was bliss (he still wished that he could forget that time he'd gotten completely soused and scampered up into a tree, refusing to come down until the next morning… when he'd fallen out). But this… lord, he wished he _wasn't_ feigning ignorance.

It had started one lovely spring afternoon—well, okay it wasn't spectacularly lovely (rather gray, in fact), but Usako _was_ wearing a beautifully short skirt, showing off her _spectacularly_ lovely long legs. They had been roaming the park, he had been fighting to remain cool and collected as she'd looked at up at him adoringly with those big blue eyes… They were in public, you see. And while he had no problem with showing her affection… well, there was that _skirt_… His eyes had wandered down helplessly and her smile had widened impishly.

"Ne, Mamo-chan?" _Oh, hell,_ he remembered thinking helplessly as her hands began to play with his shirt collar. Her fingers nimbly undid the top button of his shirt and lingered at his collarbone. She widened her eyes innocently. "Don't you think it's a little… _hot?_"

He had groaned then, and pulled her into the shade of a nearby tree before proceeding to let her demonstrate just how hot it was. They broke off panting at a strange rustle from the above branches and Mamoru cast a suspicious glance upwards. "Usako," he started slowly, "what do you suppose—"

_Bonk. _Mamoru's eyes promptly went cross-eyed as a rather large branch plummeted to land squarely on his head and he fell backwards, landing in the grass. "Mamo-chan!" Usagi squeaked, falling to her knees to cradle his head in her lap. "Daijoubu, Mamo-chan?" she asked, peering down at him worriedly.

"Guhhh," he gurgled. "Look 'tall the pretty birdsh," he slurred.

Usagi checked behind her, hoping that there was, in fact, an extraordinary bird sunning itself behind her (it was best not to set her hopes too high, after all—he probably had double vision at _least_), but this optimism was soon set straight. Mamoru stirred in her lap, and slowly sat up. "How… did I get here?" he asked slowly, taking in his surroundings.

Usagi opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off. "—Diana?" Mamoru said, shocked. "What happened—did you dye your hair?" She shot him a strange look. "It-- it looks good!" he said, waving his hands to ward off what he seemed to think was her anger.

Usagi squinted at him suspiciously. "Mamo-chan… why are you calling me Diana? She's a _cat._"

Mamoru blinked. "A cat? Diana, what are you talking about? It's me, Bruce." Usagi looked at him blankly. "Bruce _Wayne?_" At her disbelieving stare, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders in resignation, looking to the skies as if wondering why he bothered. "Y'know… _The bat?_" he whispered intently.

It was Usagi's turn to blink. Once. Twice. Three times. "The _what!_" her incredulous shriek echoed throughout the park, sending birds flying from their perches and small animals scurrying back into their homes, as Mamoru frantically shushed her.

He winced, rubbing his ear as her scream died down. "Was that really necessary?" He stood, dusting his pants off as he did so. "I don't have time for this. Listen, can I borrow the invisible jet?" He took her hanging jaw for her assent. "Thanks." And Mamoru strode off.

Usagi sat there for a moment before her nails started scrabbling at her communicator, pressing the 'All-call' button when she managed to get it in hand. "Minna," she sighed when her senshi were all visible on the screen. "We've got a problem. Mamo-chan's gone and lost his marbles again."

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They found him later, crouched low in the bushes as he muttered to himself intently. "_Stupid_ Batman—thinks he's _so_ cool, all he's got is _gadgets_, no _powers_, not like _me_, why does _he_ get all those girls?"

Mercury turned to the group, fingers typing rapidly on her Mercury computer. "Okay, this shouldn't be too difficult. If it's just him thinking he's that… Bat guy, then all he should need is a quick knock to the head to fix him. Uranus, you can take care of that, right?" She turned to Sailoruranus, who gripped her Space Sword and grinned ferally.

"Hai!" she said happily.

Sailormoon eyed the Sword with some trepidation. "Ano… Haruka-san? You're just gonna hit Mamo-chan with the end of it, right?"

Uranus looked crestfallen for a moment, before composing herself. "Yeah, of course, yeah…"

Sailorjupiter cracked her knuckles. "You gonna need any help, Uranus?" she asked hopefully.

"You can hold him back," Uranus offered kindly.

They approached him cautiously. He looked up and his expression was filled with glee as he watched them approach, slowly, like cautious hunters stalking deer. "_Eat me_, Bruce. Check out the action _I'm_ about to get."

"Pssst. Usagi-chan." Sailorvenus poked her in the shoulder. "The heck's he wearing?"

Sailormoon turned and groaned, hiding her face in her hands once she had taken in the multi-colored garment he had dressed in. "Mamo-chan, _what_ would possess you to wear your undies outside of your clothes like that!" she wondered rhetorically.

Uranus approached him, getting still closer. "Hey, Kara," Mamoru said nonchalantly, waving a hand in her direction. Sailoruranus stilled. "Like the haircut. But… hey!" He pointed a finger at her accusingly. "Where's your 'S'?" he demanded belligerently.

Uranus blinked. "My… 'S'?" She cast a glance back at the rest of the senshi. She received blank stares and shaking heads in response. "It's… in the shop?" she tried.

Mamoru was silent for moment before he gasped and leapt to his feet. "_You're_ not Kara!" he cried dramatically, one hand raised triumphantly into the air.

"You're right," she agreed amicably.

"Of course I am."

"I'm not Kara."

"I know!"

"But I'm going to _kick_ your—"

"Sailoruranus!" came the sharp reprimand from Sailorneptune.

"Can't I just--"

"_No."_

"Aw, you're no fun."

Mamoru looked out all of them. What looked like a red apron tied around his neck was caught by the wind and blew behind him. "It's clear to me what you are now," he said darkly. "All of you, actually."

"Really?" Sailormars asked. "What are we then?"

"Aliens."

Murmurs washed through them. "That's not too far off, actually," Sailorpluto muttered thoughtfully. "Maybe we won't have to--"

"From the planet _Krypton!_"

"Scratch that."

"Halt your plans, villains!" he yelled, moving his hands to his hips and glaring at them daringly. "I know what you're up to. And you will never rule this world as long as I, Superman--"

His eyes lit on Sailormoon, who was fighting the impulse to bang her head against a nearby telephone pole, and thus developing a nervous tic, and he changed tactics.

"…Of course, if you change your ways and fight at my side for Truth, Justice, and the American Way, I think we could be very happy repopulating Krypton together."

Sailormoon yanked at her pigtails, wailing in frustration. "Mamo-chan, we're _Japanese!_"

Mamoru waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. "So… how's about it?"

She sighed. "Mercury?" she asked hopefully.

Sailormercury looked at her from behind her visor. "No good. Gonna have to be a smidgen of ginzuishou power, Sailormoon."

She sighed, pulling her brooch from her sailor fuku and allowed the ginzuishou to emerge, pulsing softly.

"Oh no!" Mamoru cried melodramatically. "Kryptonite! Despite its notable lack of green, the very _sight_ of it makes me feel queasy." He fell to his knees at the pink waves of light washed over him. "Nooo! How much more can I take? How can another Kryptonian hold onto Kryptonite like that!"

The healing light of the ginzuishou enveloped him gradually and he stared at his hands, blinking as his yells died out. "U—Usako?" he asked, confused, looking up at the assembled senshi, who were watching him cautiously. "What—is there an enemy? Usako… were you using the ginzuishou?"

Sailormoon replaced the ginzuishou inside her brooch and shifted back down to Usagi. She strode up to Mamoru and brought his head down to her eye level. He gulped. "Mamo-chan?" she asked sweetly.

"Hai, Usako?" he asked meekly.

"Mamo-chan," she whispered fiercely, "if you manage to lose your memory one more time, we are going. To have. Words."

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**Notes: For anyone confused, in the first bit, Mamoru thinks he's Batman (Bruce Wayne) and thinks Usagi is Diana... alias Wonder Woman (who flies the invisible jet). The second bit… he now thinks he's Superman, and dresses up like him. And while Batman has numerous love interests… Superman didn't really; it was mostly just Lois. He's from Krypton, weakness Kryptonite, once dealt with evil Kryptonians who wanted to take over Earth. He's got a cousin, Kara (Supergirl) who is blonde and usually wears a short short skirt and a shirt with the customary 'S' on it.**


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